Friday, February 27, 2009

entry (5) : how to die ahead before you age 30

basically we're all gonna die, we don't need any emoscreamo (or edward cullen) to make it obvious for us. my goldfish died with eyes opened when i was 8. it's just it.

funny fact is, we do things that are so draggingly hedious we'd rather wish we were dead on the first place. so before i turn existentialist to all of you living mortals out there, here are tips on

"how to die ahead before you age 30"

1. start a curious case of something, say like THESIS writing (familiar anyone?). yes people, this didn't just top my list for nothing. this is serious poison. first sign of venom shows sleepless nights and preoccupied thoughts of elements like: abstract, chapters 1-5 and the "adviser". so if you really want to go gentle into that dark night, make sure you do #1.

2. whilst doing #1, make it a point to challenge your body's immune system. do activities that are tagged "wild and cool" by peole who say they're "wild and cool". these actiivites (no don't worry, we're not talking of lesson plans) range from:

a. become a frustrated insomniac freak. this makes you feel high and drunk all the time, and if you're lucky, you develop a bobby zimmerman attitude.
b
. smoke till you smell like the stick yourself.
yes, this will certenly kill.
c
. drink coffee like you've never known water exists.
you can even brush your teeth with coffee.
d
. DO NOT take any proper meal at all.
trust me, you don't need that. losers eat, winners puff and sip. it's time to pick a side, which one are you?

3. develop a sense of liking towards children's literature. it helps dry any brain cells you have left just by memorizing the awards, authors and books that are in the children category. the best part is, you get to make a book yourself! (as if you don't have enough from #1)

4. fall in love with a stoic. nothing beats believing in true love for someone who thinks you're just being mushy (no bitterness intended).

5. finally, you might want to consider a mixture of these items, say for example:
mix 1+4 = not being able to graduate due to oozing emo-ness = probably get killed by raging parents; or
mix 1+2(a-d) = having able to graduate = probably die the morning after due to brain/lung cancer, ulcer and any other hard to spell diseases when put into real medical terms.

thus bringing me back to my statement:
we're all gonna die


note:

this is based on a TRUE story...ALMOST

No comments:

Post a Comment