entry (12): packing up is hard to do

having slept the whole daytime of march 31 (blame it on the over extended recognition day) i quickly jumped at my phone when it bleeped and read "kimosh".

there, a text message from soulsiz that says she's gonna be at campus around 2pm. i got excited, the thought of hanging out with the dorks again (as if we haven't seen each other the night before) and getting in touch with "school life" where i can feel normal again. so there was kim and yes my clearance thingy but after all that we went to cool down at zoey where we bumped into ivy and mika. not wanting to go home, soulsiz asked if she can just hang and help me pack things for cdeo, i was of course glad to have her there to keep me company. i couldn't, wouldn't possibly have survived in that place with no one to talk to. the whole realization of leaving iligan grew heavily as i've put clothes into bags, books into boxes and whatever stuffs into plastic/paper bags. soulsiz and i couldn't help but to reminisce and talk about the good old days. touchy i know, but hey i'm leaving, we're all leaving this place, and yes we all know that it's sad to leave those people whom you've gotten used to hanging out with. i mean have you experienced that thing when the ice cream is almost gone and that's when everyone would want to have some? it's like now, i mean i used to hurry and leave for summer before because i know that there will always be the next school year...but now it's different. there will be no "next school year" for us, and even if there is (for those taking masteral) it wouldn't be the same without them, the dork squad. here is the part when i let out a huge sigh.

entry (11): a cold stoic you

i struggle to make a heartless poem for you -
that someday i could put a tune into -
and would sing it to you.

i struggle to add some element of melancholic blue -
that suits your every mood -
and so i pay my due

i owe this poem to you -
and now i'm singing it to you -
i hope it adds up to your blue -
hey i'm just paying you my due.

i struggle to evade the four-lettered word -
that makes you churn -
love gets you bored -
and must i burn?

i struggle to fill these box of notes with pain -
wonder if i'm emotionally sane -
and so i pay my due

i owe this poem to you -
i'll keep singing this to you -
i know it adds up to your blue.

i need to pay a poem for you -
a price that is my due -
for wanting a cold stoic you.

entry (10): graduation blues

i'm graduating (or at least that's what they say and would want to believe). a big YAY! and that goes for my batch that would be wearing their togas this coming april 1.

but why on earth does my heart weigh so heavily upon each day that ends?

i'm infected with the worst case of graduation blues

and reasons why i have this kind of sentimentality:

1. eat-outs with dorks @ zoey/mamee noons/teadt's/wherever-place-that-got-great-food
2. sleep-overs @ ken's appartment (or the queer place)
3. roomies that would be left behind (badang verna veve and hakie-doo)
4. delighful professors and instructors - geez who would have guessed that i'd learn to love them
5. literature courses
6. campus life - overnights, chats, light silly stuff, friends, best friends, dork squad
7. free bisyo place - iligan city - can pretty much smoke, drink, be happy and gay *sigh*
8. allowance - money man

so far these are the things that i would want to bring with me

entry (9): walker

a poem by Alice Walker
taken from the collection "Horses Make a Landscape Look More Beautiful"

when i no longer have your heart

i will not request your body

your presence

or even your polite conversation.

i will go away to a far country

separated from you by the sea

-on which i cannot walk-

and refrain even from sending

letters

describing my pain.

entry (8): surviving the seminar

congratulate yourself, you managed to salvaged that little bit of sanity left.

the walking barrel/cheese/mamistahay sure knows how to execute "torture" and i bet even sydney bristow would give up given the situation. talk about living hell. hmf, i hate "cheese".

anyhow, what about that seminar then? for starters i didn't sleep when i attended. i was staying over ken's place and could not risk it with oversleeping so the next best thing is to stay awake the whole time. thing is, when you don't sleep and attend something like a seminar/lecture/mass/language class, you would likely end up feeling like a zombie. point is, i'd rather be dead. so on went the seminar, with dramas along the way (hi to pixie with that) and tasteless coffee. not to mention the over-puffed-air-stuffed bread with whatever in between.

anyhow, lunch was tolerable. a compensation at least for the "air-conditioning system" that seemed to me back there to be doing the exact opposite of its very purpose. imagine having been told to wear something formal, so on we went with long sleeves and collars only to be "sweated" out in the end. thank g-d i didn't prepared that much, i could've worn a gown for cheese's sake.

the miraculous part is that i managed to stay alive in the end. how i did that , i really don't know. or maybe these things helped a bit:

1. pack of cigarettes
2. crazy classmates that were also bored
3. going out to the bathroom but actually to chat/sit outside/take pictures etc.
4. and yeah, secretly cursing the cheese

bottom line is: sleep before going to a seminar, and no more long sleeves.

Dork Squad Survivor Edition
(Shimberly, Shaith, Ratimah, and Shoey)