entry (7): to ms. grape

connections. they make us alive whenever we feel like dying out of boredom. i have had a good few connections that i've treasured, planted and now grown into something beautiful called "friendship".

for the girl that went through my insomnia and lasted till 3:30am (with the 3 bottles of vodka included, yes i will not disregard that), i salute you.

and of course i thank you. it is seldom that i communicate when i'm at CdeO. i usually fall into this whole solitary caveman syndrome. then you had me talking back there, that was fun. i just wish you can share me some of those bottles.

and if you're reading this, you know this entry is about you ms. grape.

entry (6): fragments of pieces

you collect so many beginnings -

how about making some endings -

i guess stories are all the same -

with their happy ever after -

what a shame -

we've got a real life situation here.

entry (5) : how to die ahead before you age 30

basically we're all gonna die, we don't need any emoscreamo (or edward cullen) to make it obvious for us. my goldfish died with eyes opened when i was 8. it's just it.

funny fact is, we do things that are so draggingly hedious we'd rather wish we were dead on the first place. so before i turn existentialist to all of you living mortals out there, here are tips on

"how to die ahead before you age 30"

1. start a curious case of something, say like THESIS writing (familiar anyone?). yes people, this didn't just top my list for nothing. this is serious poison. first sign of venom shows sleepless nights and preoccupied thoughts of elements like: abstract, chapters 1-5 and the "adviser". so if you really want to go gentle into that dark night, make sure you do #1.

2. whilst doing #1, make it a point to challenge your body's immune system. do activities that are tagged "wild and cool" by peole who say they're "wild and cool". these actiivites (no don't worry, we're not talking of lesson plans) range from:

a. become a frustrated insomniac freak. this makes you feel high and drunk all the time, and if you're lucky, you develop a bobby zimmerman attitude.
b. smoke till you smell like the stick yourself. yes, this will certenly kill.
c. drink coffee like you've never known water exists. you can even brush your teeth with coffee.
d. DO NOT take any proper meal at all. trust me, you don't need that. losers eat, winners puff and sip. it's time to pick a side, which one are you?

3. develop a sense of liking towards children's literature. it helps dry any brain cells you have left just by memorizing the awards, authors and books that are in the children category. the best part is, you get to make a book yourself! (as if you don't have enough from #1)

4. fall in love with a stoic. nothing beats believing in true love for someone who thinks you're just being mushy (no bitterness intended).

5. finally, you might want to consider a mixture of these items, say for example:
mix 1+4 = not being able to graduate due to oozing emo-ness = probably get killed by raging parents; or
mix 1+2(a-d) = having able to graduate = probably die the morning after due to brain/lung cancer, ulcer and any other hard to spell diseases when put into real medical terms.

thus bringing me back to my statement:
we're all gonna die


note:
this is based on a TRUE story...ALMOST

entry (4): i forgot

here's the thing,

i forgot i'm no good

now you're asking "what's up with her? turning emo or something?"

well forgive (stretch that word) me for feeling down sometimes, i just happened to be graduating and i didn't know that it can be this traumatizing. let me translate that in english: our thesis needs redoing!

so now i find myself sporting a huge inflammation of whatever it is in my left eye, awake at 1:37 am and have no plans whatsoever of sleeping, having a cup of coffee that taste like poopie sh-t (quoted from Alice) and down to my last stick of cigarette.

one perfect word for my situation: PATHETIC

entry (3): lost and found

ok CdeO i'm back for you

i take my solitude from here, become a caveman once again in my solitary room

grapple with my thoughts of how things changes greatly since high school

and speaking of high school, hi to all friends and random enemies whose petty fights seem strangely funny now, to all the crocodile and walking barrel teachers, and to the angels of my memory

and to kazumi - one of my bff, not that i have many - i thought i've lost you, i know it's not an everyday news when i told you once that i'm into drinking, smoking and yes, girls. for a moment back there i felt your stare cut a piece of my pride inside, but then again that was just me reading into things too much. you were always the conservative one in the group, and i've alwys been the experemental type, we really are extremes

then you fell for the bastard, oh sorry now i know you don't want us thinking bad of him, but let me just say that. you have learned a great deal by now, i guess when life throws you sh-t all you can do is to fart back, or flush your system with alcohol. that's right, drink to sober up...

now i'm on my way to see you again, we've agreed to leave our judgments and prejudices behind. i've agreed to bring the booze, this ought to be a great day don't you think?

entry (2): a beach day to remember

second time
second time the dorks planned on something
second time we made it happen (stop wondering what the first time was, let's go to the second time...) so where do i begin?

valentines day - blame it on all the hearts floating in the air, we dorks cannot, could not, will not take any of your sentimentalities cupid! - so yes, i was saying, it happened not so long time ago, it happened during the just recently gone by hearts' day, it happened on a saturday afternoon...

that's right, we planned ahead on our beach day, we've had several "meetings" at zoey's (need i mention martin, jean luc, and wally?) and we bought stuff-to-bring at G-mall - thus adding risks to our mortality, had there been another "papaya" then there would be four names put into ashes - but enough with my happy tree friends mode and let's move on to that particular feb. 14...

oh yes, that day...

"9am, at Jollibee tibanga, let's meet there" shouted my memory supported with the dorks' voice, yet i woke up at 10:30am - blame it on the warehouse party - instantly, after checking the time, i felt like crying... try to remember that time you didn't make it to your much awaited field-trip, yes baby, exactly how i felt...

moving on, i didn't give up, and to hell with spending the valentines alone, so i rushed to tibanga, hailed a jeepney, took a seat on the front part and texted the dorks, luckily they were good enough to wait...

so we met, volted in! marched like nazis, crossed the pedetrian, took a seat at the back portion of the rural bus, felt like gradeschool students - or at least in my part i did - and made our way to DON-ARC POBLETE BEACH RESORT

(a last minute snap at the entrance)

after what seemed to be our first bus trip (acting like drunken high teens thus making the other passengers uneasy but wtf right? what do you expect out of 5 english majors? this?: "kim dear, pray tell, how near are we to our destination?"), we unloaded the bus and heard imaginary "hoorays!" and "thank g-d" from our fellow passengers, thus we ignored it and excitedly ran towards the beach, we rented a cottage, laid our stuff, put some music on, ate lunch, went lying on the sarong, took a dip in the sea, played "shark" game with live pig, made a pair of extraordinary huge sand boobs (whatever happened to innocent little sand castles?)

(authentic appreciation of art)

ok now get your eyes away from the boobies, back to my report, well yes, we had fun, and that is just stating the obvious...need i tell more? 'course i will, and so here is a list of things we did and hope to do again:

1. we had BOOZE! that comes with chips btw (just imagine how boring we get to be when drunk)

2. we did KARAOKE and discovered that within every dork is a decaying corpse of a diva covered with hard-bound literary books (and i'm not talking about my diva shimberly and ratimah!)

3. in connection with the KARAOKE movement, we also happened to expose our secret desires for songs such as: ratimah is to "halik", and pheyth is to "nosi balasi" with a little translation like: "yosi! (dead tonsils hanging) yosi balasi! sino? yosi ba sila! (yeah...yeah...)"

4. we also did a last minute pictorial and tried to discover our model-like qualities, which came off naturaly along with the sea


i could go on but really, need i state the obvious again?

we had real fun! and we were singles (or so we like to think...) on that cruel hearts' day yet we laughed our hearts out and lived perfectly well with each other, and it has been awhile since i had such a great time in the beach.

thank you dorks: kim, fatz, joey and to lourd and emily who were with us then.

entry one (1)

first thing's first:

apologize to ratimah rimam, say "mother harlot forgive me for giving birth to this yet-again-futile-blog-account..."

tell her that you wouldn't do it again, that this would be your last "creation"

hey, everybody's liable to get excited over having their first gmail account *blushes*

next agenda:

introduce yourself to the world, tons of crocodiles out to devour your piece of sh-t and the slightest chance that your crush might be reading this (like dream on girl), anyhow, scratch that, start with the basics about yourself, pretty please...

i'm dyslexic, so forgive my misspelled words

i write like hell and i don't care, i'm sure there are worse people out there who do a lot of serious damage to the internet society (curse you pervs!) *relax*

i'm about to graduate but i feel like a last minute disaster will occur (i have prepared a list actually):

a. a car/truck/motorcycle/sikad/kabaw will hit me whilst crossing the road
b. gets drunk and raped and become a balloon for 9 months
c. overdosed with coffee and dies a very nonsense death (not even close to virginia's style)
d. gets bitten by edward cullen and dies

but really i'm decided to graduate
sad though because i will be leaving tons of dorks behind (yes that includes you live pig!)

anyway, feel free to tape portions of myself as i go on developing this page